I should be sleeping but I can't get there. I got a solid 8 hours and then my body declared it was done sleeping.. at 3 am London time. Which is incredibly unfortunate.. I have been sporadically up since then.
I have responded to emails, texts and whatever else. (I mean everyone else is still on west coast time, so why not?) I have read my scriptures. I drank some water. I tried to go to sleep repeatedly.. It's all for nothing. My brain keeps clicking on with moments of excitement, amusement and other nonsense.
The most current thing rolling around my head is a moment... just a moment that I figure if I write it out it might just stop bugging me.
I had stayed late talking to him. It was a solid conversation. Families, faith, etc. Moments of lamenting that broke my heart to hear. He was better than this. He deserves better. It hit a point where I had to go. I'm sure I had work the next day and while he had more freedom with his job, I did not. I went to the door, gave him a hug.
"I love you," I told him while holding on to him so tight. It caught me off guard. While I would never deny this, it surprised me that I had said it.
"I love you, too."
I pulled back, kissed his forehead, quickly said my farewells and went home.
And in true fashion between the both of us, this moment was never discussed again. I mean, why would it be. It's now just rolling around my friggin head at 5 am. My own audacity always throws me for a loop. These things are really things I feel like I wouldn't normally do.. But for whatever reason, they keep happening more and more. Maybe this is becoming that thing I do.
But he has just been on my mind a lot lately.
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