I'm embarrassed to admit.

Girl is bored and frustrated with the Mormon men and gets in okcupid. After all, GSC was on okcupid and he's normal, she muses. She received so many messages, it made her head spin. Some she considered. Some she was horrified. She laughed at most. 

In the course of conversation with one, they decide to meet up at a notting hill Starbucks. All is well. They get their drinks and walk and talk. No big deal. He drinks and smokes. She does neither. But the conversation was easy. "This is how dating Mormon guys should be!" She declares in her mind. 

But she's not actually interested in the guy. He called her hon, which is a term if endearment we abhors. She tried to ignore it. He didn't know any better. But she's just not interested. 

She put him off, lying about certain details so he would never find her. 

She's clearly paranoid.

They go on this one date in November. She left on a trip and he texted her safe journeys and that he missed her. 

She is alarmed by his attachment. Already taking forever to respond to his texts, her responses became shorter and snarkier. 

She received a text around New Years, wishing her a happy one and a "goodnight princess." 

Princess?? 

Is he drugged? Medicated? He surely knows she is not going to sleep with him, right? 

He is too attached. She tried to end their conversations. She doesn't even remember his name. He is in her phone under the name "AVOID." He tells her he misses her. 

"Don't be silly," she says. 

"I am not being silly (name), what would a simple guu like me want more that a decent successful person to hang out with, who knows maybe I will fall in love with you as I already like you." 

She is alarmed. 

she is mortified. 

She is annoyed. 

She tells him he is showing his hand too soon. 

"Not really (name), I dont blame you for saying that and I wish if you have gave me the chance to approach my self, I have no bad intentions to you, all what I have for you is love and respect"

"That's very nice, but I am not interested in pursuing this any further. "

"Ok (name) I appreciate and respect that, thank you anyway, wish you all the best please if you need anything any help one day just dont be hesitated I will always be supporting you."

-I will always be supporting you.- 

seriously? 

Yes. Clearly a solid bond was made in that ONE MEETING! In what world would she go to him for anything? She is not alone. She was never dependent on him. 

All in all... 

She had an entire relationship that she wasn't really a part of...

Drinker

Conclusion- I am so glad I don't drink... Because even when I don't i do stupid things...

Like:

word vomit all over people and tell my secrets...

Confessing dying infatuations...

Text exactly what I'm thinking..

Which is so so dangerous.

Or in a sleep induced stupor, almost text marriage proposals.

Reasons why I shouldn't drink, 101 (besides the whole commandment thing)

People sick

People occasionally ask me if I get home sick. I generally think about it and reply no... But sometimes I get people sick.. Until now.. When I got to talk to Derek and Jared tonight. That distance seems even further ... And I find myself, not even realizing... Seeking out things that are loved/appreciated by those I love.. Whether it be food, music or movies. But it rings even more true when I purposefully go out and buy something like this: 

I am generally annoyed with certain fads and trends.. This one is included. I think it's silly... But bekki and her girls love them.. Therefore I love them. I see them and I get excited to send them to her. To share this awesome find. I'm not sure if she still likes them.. But I see them and think of her. I am just a little lost in missing. 

Star Shaped Tupperware

There is this kid that I know. Jason. He made things really hellish for himself while he was in Seattle. He would be interested in a girl, as her out.. and then.. when they weren't interested or interseted in someone else.. he would go.. a little crazy. Sign them up to get spammed. On email and phone. That's just naming a small thing... I guess he just expected there to be interest when girls responded positively to him.. Not realizing that most (lds?) girls will say yes just to:
1- be nice
2- it's a FIRST DATE. no harm in a first date.

He created situations for himself and let everyone know about it. It was a mess. There is too much detail to go into here.. But let me tell you.. I hit several breaking points mostly due to my frustration. For whatever reason.. I became his sponsor. I told him that if there was ever a time that he felt inclined to "get back" at a girl or had concerns about dating, to contact me. I didn't want him to do what he has done in Seattle. (He has since moved to Utah) For whatever reason... I took this upon myself. A free service to him and everyone he might encounter later.

I am happy to say that he has been doing well. He has been contact me over the last few weeks about a girl he has asked out on TWO dates. And there will probably even be a third. He has been slow in his process, but based on his previous experiences I'm not surprised. Doesn't want to scare her away either, I imagine.

But I got an email from him today telling me:
1. about the date
2. asking if it sounded right, that he should ask her out on another date.

It's so cute.

I'm so excited for him.

I hope it works out.

The odd shaped tupperware hopefully found its lid...

I am such a girl...

I had a post that I had been writing and my phone deleted it . Lame sauce...

What had I written before.

Not sure... I'll just run with it..

So I have a tendency to hold on to friendships and keeping in contact with people rather tightly. Much akin to the cold clammy hand of death. Although if I get little to no response from someone it makes my hold a little less.. But! What surprises me is that the people I keep in best contact with are Christine (ok that's a give in), German and Charlie.. Charlie of all people.. I am so surprised by this. Especially since I was so unsure about our friendship for quite some time. But I will email holm and he responds rather quickly actually, in the best Charlie form. Man I love that guy. I got an email from him this morning and that is why it's on my mind. 

And German, who had informed me that our friendship would dwindle since I am so far away. Ha. HA! Fool. 

In other news.. John. I have this friend named john that Susan introduced me to before she left. (I took her spot in my flat.) . So she introduced us and was kid of keen on the idea of us dating. She kept giving me inside tips about him. When she talks to me she will do that sly look and ask..
Sooo....... how's john? 

Okay. So johns great. He is from northern England and has a great northern accent and says stuff like "meself" and it just makes me grin to myself. We have some similar interests.. Travel... Photography is a big one.. An adament hatred of particular fonts. Other things too. If I had half a brain working I would be able to tell you more because there is more. But he's great. We have hung out a few times. I like talking to him when I see him. He also does that josh thing where he will look at me like I have 3 heads. Is this just what happens with computer tech guys and me?

I'm not sure if I actually like him.. Or if the idea is being forced on me by external sources. (Susan) I kind of forget sometimes but when he's around I'm like- hey! Yes! It's john! This is great. (Inside my head) last time I was at church I was talking to him in the hallway and I was in the middle of telling him something when I realized I had to head to class. I told him so and he had this look like he wanted to continue the conversation and was kind of remiss to end it. I kind of liked that look.
I also went to institute tonight and after class was done he stopped to talk to me for a while which was kind of great... But I also hadn't seen him since last.. Monday? So a week and a half.
I am at this weird spot of not really being sure if i like him or if I am pushed into it by Susan.. Or like the idea of it.. Or just am amused by the way he talks.

It's all a toss up...

More later i need to finish this conversation with German.. 

"I'm so glad to have friends!!"

I went out with some girls from my program today. We went to some amazing book shops and I spent too much money on books. We hung out, wandered around, and just had some fun conversations.

Now there were 4 of us. 3 of us are Americans. 1 British, but she commutes on school days from home. So all in all, they don't get out and meet people.. So it was fun for them to have plans to go out and do something. Fun to go out for a drink and do something on a Friday night. They kept saying over and over again, I'm so glad we're hanging out! I'm so glad we're doing this! I'm so glad we have friends.

Which is true. It's fun to have these girls that I have so much in common with.. Especially our love of children's books... even down to our oddities. (My love of stairways and Shauna's love of fire escapes..) She commented on the fact that she would be told by her friends back home how weird she was to look at or notice these things. Jess is making hopeful plans on us all living together in London if we find work when school is out. It's all fanciful stuff but I can see it on her face that she is enjoying the possibility.

Anyway.. that's beside the point.

My point kind of just stems down to the fact that I DO have friends. I live in a flat with a solid group of girls. I feel like I can hang out with them and be good.. although I haven't actually gone out out with them yet. But we enjoy each other...
And then I have people I have met through church. My schedule is kind of wonky but when I see some of them, I am definitely excited. There are some fun people there. But I AM SO GLAD that I have this safety net. That I have a connection with a larger group of people that I normally wouldn't have.

It was also funny when I told them I don't drink alcohol or coffee. They respected my decisions, which I appreciated.. But one even lamented about how nice it would be to not drink alcohol or coffee... How much more simplistic it would be... And less expensive.

She doesn't know my particular love of precocious chocolates.

Let it be known

I would choose to be a wife&mother over any career, school... 

Whatever. 

See random rant via www.randomanda.blogspot.com part B for why this came up 

😉